Wednesday, June 06, 2007
I returned from my week in Gran Canaria to a whole new life and I’ve spent the summer months living a bizarre circus that slightly resembled my old life, but was dazzling and neon. In my week of sun and sangria’d minging-singles-holiday-hell things had changed at Woman to Woman. In fact, my entire life took a rather upward turn in the weeks since then.
Firstly Victoria Harris came out of rehab whilst I was away and I returned with a glorious suntan (and mild heat rash across my chest and an irritatingly dry scalp!), to find her glaring at me, all pale skin and cheekbones from across the office. From that first glance of her I knew that she wasn’t as ‘into’ my Relationship Rehab as the rest of the population. But then again, I’d taken her column inches, so it was little surprise really. My website had exploded with messages and ‘hits’ and Delaney nearly pulled the flip flops off of me as she’d dragged me into her office for ‘the latest’. She’d told me that I’d been at the centre of an office feud, as Victoria had insisted on reclaiming her column, but Delaney had shaken the emails in her face like a Spanish fan as she’d squealed with delight at how Richard & Judy wanted me to appear, along with requests from Cosmopolitan and RedBook magazine to write features and sell my staying single story!
In the weeks that followed I can’t tell you how many times I was glad that I’d hated the Singles Holiday! It had meant that I spent so much more time beside the pool, and returning home with that fabulous suntan set me in great stead for the upcoming events. The photo shoot with Geezer? I’d be so nervous, but it was completely fabulous! I’d made sure that I was waxed and tweezed to within an inch of my life and I felt great. Remember those airbrushed Kate Winslet pictures in GQ mag? I got the same treatment and it was the start of a massive media spin. Of course, once I got over my initial nerves and realised that neither Trevor nor Ade would be at the photo shoot, I loved the whole experience. My excitement on publication day was slightly dampened by Tam and Jen both calling and screeching down the phone that the pictures looked nothing like me, but I knew it was me! And so did Ade - judging by the sporadic emails he is still sending me by means of apology. ‘Clever Trevor’ Malone continued to send me bouquets, but soon became bored and stopped. Either that or he was put off by the immense competition as suddenly I had guys literally falling at my feet, teasing me with lavish gifts and expensive nights out. And it was just fun, fun, fun all the way-hay...
Only it wasn’t.
And I’m glad now that the summer is coming to a close and the leaves are beginning to crinkle, a little like my resolve to stay single. I’ve never been good at seeing the wood from the trees and now with this influx of strange new men, I’ll admit that without Tam and Rob to prop me up I’m sure I’d have thrown in the proverbial towel by now. I’ve become a ‘brand’, a ‘product’ and I have something now, called a ‘profile’ - which I don’t want. All I wanted was to get some balance back into my life by choosing not to have a monkey - I mean, a man. And it’s all gone bananas.
It’s been nearly five months since I started this fiasco and I’m lonelier than ever! It’s strange, isn’t it, that when I was dating the wrong guys and getting dumped left right and centre I was shrugging bad dates off with a resilience and optimism. But now I’ve been immersed in the singleton world I feel lonely and sad. I only ever really noticed couples before with a slightly cynical outlook that it probably wasn’t as great as it all appeared, but now I’m ready to share my life with that special guy, but it’s like sand in my hands - the tighter I try to squeeze, the faster it seems to slip away.
Delaney’s latest idea makes me nervous too. She called me into her office last week...
“Sophie? Liz Jones from Tatler was telling me about the perfect dating site for you to report on. www.sugardaddie.com and www.millionairematch.com are sites where the ‘classy and affluent can meet’. You need to find out more about this. Get yourself on there Sophie and see who you can find? I want you to try this out and write it up for your next column.”
So I’ve been adding my tired profile to these sites and I have to admit the guys generally come across as great - you don’t seem to get so much of that desperado look, those stupid puppy dog eyes or cocky geezer types that the other dating sites are littered with. So I’m sitting naked on my bed, cross-legged with my laptop in front of me as I try to ignore my boobs as they jiggle before me as I type in the answers to the questions that the sugardaddies want to know about me - how much I earn a year, what my body type is, and what I’m looking for in a relationship... Same old, same old, same old.....
And then I notice a face that I recognise.
And I’m shocked.
Firstly, because I had no idea that he earned that kind of money.
And secondly, because I’ve been fighting strong feelings for him and now, realising that he’s loaded and looking for love, has made it all seem different.
And I’m shocked to feel my stomach flip with fear that some Barbie doll will snap him up and get him before I can.
I suddenly realise what I might lose and how much he’s started to mean to me.....
Chapter Thirty Seven - Reality Bites
Chapter Thirty Nine -